So I dropped the ball. I really wanted to post every day until Christmas, but, I just ran out of hours in the day. Aaaaahh! Who else is there with me?
In realizing how I often aspire to be where I am not yet, I realized, I am so thankful that Jesus meets us where we are at. So at least a lil' inspiration comes from failing at my advent goal.
I have been thinking a lot about falling short. About a million times a day, I make plans in my head as to how I am going to change myself. I will love my kids better. I will have infinite patience. I will treat the people who annoy me with endless kindness, and I will smile at... everyone. They will feel joy just by passing by me. Sometimes I remember to pray for the ability to do these things. Usually I don't. And usually I fall short at about same time the boys in my class start using the Tae Kwon Do moves they learned that week on eachother...or on the wall. You'd be surprised how often inanimate objects take a beating by grade one boys...and sometimes girls. " But Oh Miss Mac....he looked at my funny, so I punched him". Makes sense. School starts at 8:25 and usually sometime before 8:55 my infinite patience is no longer.
Then, last weekend, in the midst of my attempts to get through this season well, single and strong, I ended up actually spending a lot of time crying. It doesn't happen often, (at least the word often is relative), but I was definitely curled up in a little ball in my bed, my head resting on my doggy Dublin, splitting my time between asking him (as in my dog) to tell me what exactly is wrong with me, and pretty much demanding that God intervene because I am just sick of the singles table at parties. Like a two year old temper tantrum in essence.
But after I pulled myself together, I realized that in thinking of how much I am not where I want to be, I am thankful. I am thankful God meets us where we are at. He doesn't demand that we change, that we perfect ourselves before entering into relationship with him. He wants our hearts, and when we open ourselves up to him, he allows us to experience His love...JUST AS WE ARE. Even if that is throwing myself a pity party. He accepts me, loves me, and changes me, even if He does not change my circumstances. Amazing.
In the gospel of Luke, there is the story about a woman who lived in sin, (likely a prostitute)who comes to see Jesus as He is eating at the house of one of the Pharisees (these super religious dudes who thought they were "all that" because they knew and kept the rules of Jewish law, but almost always missed the point....Jesus).
"As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wipe his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them" Luke 7: 38.
This woman...the "worst" of the sinners in the Pharisees eyes, just gave her heart to Jesus. She didn't pretend to be something she wasn't, didn't try to clean herself up for him she just looooved him. In the home of a Pharisee! Talk about vulnerability. Jesus accepted the worship of this fallen woman, forgave her, and told her to "go in peace"( Verse 50).
Amazing!
So today, though my circumstances may not be what I wish they were, I am thankful that Jesus accepts my heart. My disappointed, fallen, sinful heart. He loves it when I come to Him broken because it is then that His love and His power to change people through that love, can truly be seen.
Thanks Jesus, for meeting me where I am during this season. Even if it means we're at the singles table :).