But as I walk through the process...I am finding that...well, I have to walk through the process.
When I was a kid, hooked on Nancy Drew, I always had this huge desire to get to the last chapter. Like I knew that’s not what I should be doing.... that I was supposed to read the book chapter by chapter and wait for her to put all the pieces together and solve the mystery in due time. And I usually managed quite well for the first chapter. But by the third and fourth I was skimming, and by the fifth I was starting to give in to temptation, casually flipping through the later pages of the book until I would “randomly” glimpse sentences or paragraphs that hinted at where the action had gone. I rarely made it halfway before completely caving and diving into the final pages.
And then I always went back to the previous chapters, almost out of a sense of guilt. The words were never quite as captivating, and the journey never quite as magical.
We often talk about seasons of our lives, or like I’m doing right now, chapters. But sometimes the clichés actually capture reality. I think maybe that God really does work in chapters...not in the cheesy “this chapter of my life is closed” kindda way, but more like in steps that lead to one another, taking the characters on a journey kindda way. Or at least right now, in my life, He is working in steps.
I get annoyed sometimes, to be honest...probably because I need to develop patience like Job. But I’m not Job, I’m just me. And I want my “All In for Whatever is Next” to come to fruition. Right now.
However, what’s next is not always as immediate as I want it to be, likely because I'm not as ready for it as I think I am. Or maybe more accurately, my next step just isn’t as exciting and full of heart pounding adrenalin packed action as I think it should be.
For me the first step was saying...Ok God...I’m in. Whatever your deal is for me, let’s do it.
The next step is waiting. He’s slowly been bringing dreams alive in my heart. When I was a kid, I was a dreamer. Every day I had a different plan for my life. Usually they involved a red jeep and a surfboard. But I also wanted to do something that mattered. I wanted to be a world changer.
Now that I’m much more mature and wise in my years (yea right)...I am starting to see that really, it’s God who changes the world. And because He is awesome, He invites me to be a part of that.
God has slowly been igniting the flame of adventure in my heart...one that I think I quenched when I started trying to build the life I thought He wanted me to build. But I think even those `wasted` years were a part of the ride.
I’m realizing God doesn’t want me to just arrive at the destination; he wants to walk me through it, just as He walked with the disciples when they were with Him. He wants to show me His faithfulness in the journey...because really, that’s where faithfulness can be seen the most...in the details of the journey.
So I’m trying. I’m trying to read this chapter for everything that’s in it, and let it lead me to the next. Unlike my Nancy Drew days, I'm determined to dig in and not to skim.