Breathing deeply and releasing some of my pent up nervous energy, I turned to Morgan, one of the new friends I had made during training..."Well ... I guess there's no going back now...".
We both thought about that for a moment...each in our own world, staring straight ahead.
"No....no.... I don't think that there is," she responded, still somewhat in her own world.
Silence.
"But Morgan....I mean more than physically. I mean like there's like really no going back now. We'll come back....but I'm pretty sure we won't come back the same".
That moment kind of encapsulates what I have felt the past few days as I have attempted to process through the new sights and sounds of Nairobi, Kenya, the city that will be my home for the next few months. Right now as we finish up our orientation, we are staying at a lovely guesthouse. My training team and I have each other, and many of the comforts of home. Tomorrow morning, I move to the apartment that I will be staying in on the edge of Kibera, the slum where Ghetto Light is located, and where I will be serving. Our team will go it's separate ways as we prepare to serve in our respective assignments. I guess I am going to have to get used to these "Gospel Good-byes" as I have heard them called before.
In the short time that we have known eachother...we have definitely laughed...really, really, really, hard. About really dumb stuff. We've cried...all at different points and for different reasons...but there have been tears. We've run to catch planes, we've traveled across the world, and begun wrestling with how to share all that we will learn over this year with our loved ones... and we have wondered where God will take us. We've prayed together, shared bible verses, booklists and toiletries.
And through it all...we have agreed...we likely won't be the same women who stepped onto the plane when we return to Canada.
But other than that...we have no idea.
Who knows? Has turned into our favourite response to any question we pose to both eachother and ourselves.
How do you think you will adjust to your new living situation ?
What do you think the things you see will do to your heart?
Will there be peanut butter available?
Will we make mistakes when learning how to respect and integrate into a new culture?
How do you think people back home expect you to feel right now?
How do you feel right now?
What will you do when the year is over ?
Do you think God is going to call you to the mission field long term?
Who knows.
I have thought a lot about what to write the past few days...but kind of delayed writing, because I really did not know what to say. But that's the truth of it...
This year is a "no going back" kind of year....but other than that...
Who knows.